I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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