my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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