He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
