So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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