She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
