last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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