Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
