Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
