I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
