yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
