Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want her autograph on my taint
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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