:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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