his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize