How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
