I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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