It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize