All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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