He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
