we have pet lesbian snakes
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
