I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
