i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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