The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
