It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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