You work out of a Hotel?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
