life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
