Your mouth is God's brothel.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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