Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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