so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
