I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
