He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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