He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
