we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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