Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ugly people sure do ruin things
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
