He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
