Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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