real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
