from now on my penis is your penis
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
