I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
