You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
