Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
