In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize