i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
