My sheets look like a crime scene.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
