operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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