so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
