I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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