You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Michael Bay diarrhea
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
