I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
