I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
