i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
