He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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