He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
