i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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