remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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