I need help removing her.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
one two three fourrrrnication!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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