dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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