That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
