Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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