New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
