I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
