just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
