i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
