You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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