Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize