dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
