i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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