he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
