seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
