we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
