I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
