Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
