Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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